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Morning pumpkin spice coffee in a Jack the Pumpkin King mug. 

I’m up early and you know….I’m not dreading going to work. I think I needed these past 2 days to be shoved into my position on my own. I very clearly made a mental choice on Monday; I was about to send a worrying text message to my coworker that I’m taking over for asking if what I was saying in a particular email was okay.
I looked at my phone and had a distinct moment of “You know……fuck it. How am I going to know if I don’t DO it?” 
Ever since then I’ve had the attitude of “It’ll all get done, it’ll all be okay, and it’s okay if I make mistakes along the way because I’m /learning/ and THAT’S OKAY TOO!”
Previously I felt like I immediately had to be as good as my coworker because I don’t want to let anyone down. I still don’t, but I’m not terrified anymore. 

And yesterday I sat down and worked through a problem with my team leader and she was so lovely and so helpful, and then another team that we work with were all amazing and had my back when no one else was in the building and I had to get an emergency done. Overall, despite my fears, everyone has been very welcoming and very supportive and they’ve all let me know “No, we’re here if you have questions, you can ask us anything”.
At first it didn’t feel like a safety net, but it’s starting to. 
And considering I was scared and stressed to the point of crying at work last week, that’s pretty damn cool.

And this has been your (oddly becoming regular….) Wednesday check in!


This morning’s chapter of the unattractive picture chronicles:

It’s too early for this shit. 
And I’m wearing like 3 hoodies. Because I’m freezing and then I may have chugged a cold ginger ale because I was so freaking thirsty when I woke up.

I have approximately 1 hour to arm myself for today’s battle at work.


For all the confidence I had yesterday, this is about how much I have today.

I’m stressed out and overwhelmed and I don’t want to disappoint anybody. I’m afraid and I feel pulled in 20 different directions.


nodamncatnodamncradle:

lliminal:

Good morning Monday. I’m ready for battle with my @noctex and @bloodmilk armour. Bring it Monday. #selfie #whitehair #longhair #claws #opi #everymonthisoktoberfest #creepy #ghostgirl #noctex #bloodmilk #workflow

monday is not ready for you

This is the sweetest compliment ever ;_____;
Monday was NOT ready for me.

Except when I cried at my desk. But I only cried a little bit, and my eyeliner didn’t budge, so I still win.


And what do stars do best?

Shine. ✨🌟💫

#selfie #whitehair #longhair #helmutlang #starlight #ghostgirl

Today is the day. 
The first time washing my hair since parts of it were dyed blue.

I’ve been putting this off because not only is it good to wait as long as you can after a stressful chemical process, but my hair is reeeeeeally white. And the blue is verrrrryyyyyyy blue…..

So either nothing will happen, or I may come out of the shower later with most of my hair a pastel blue color….

It’s a good thing my work doesn’t care about my blue hair!! In fact it was a topic of delightful conversation at my team meeting, where I am by far the youngest attendee. 
(it was actually very nice because usually when I’m in those meetings I’m sitting there in my grown up conference room chair, nodding and taking notes, all the while having a tiny melt down in my head to the tune of “Oh my god what am I doing here they must all think I’m stupid or that I don’t deserve to be in here but they chose me for a reason but ohhhhhh my god I don’t belong here”)



name ➔ Cyd 
birth place ➔ MD, USA
where do i live ➔ MD, USA
hair color ➔ white
eye color ➔ green
birthday ➔ january
lefty or righty ➔ lefty, but almost exclusively for writing
single or taken? ➔ taken
happy? ➔ pretty much!

TEN THINGS ABOUT YOUR LOVE LIFE


are you in love ➔ with many things.
do you believe in love at first sight ➔ occasionally.
who ended your last relationship ➔ I did
have you ever broken someone’s heart ➔ Maybe? I don’t know.
are you afraid of commitments ➔ no. my life feels more secure when I have a routine and things I’m “attached” to.
have you hugged someone within the last week? ➔ yuuuup. I’m a hugger. my work bff and I hug it out every day and people look at us weird…
have you ever had a secret admirer ➔ I don’t know? if I knew it wasn’t much of a secret, huh?
have you ever broken your own heart? ➔ not on purpose. If you mean “have you ever been so attached to something/someone that it hurt you longer than it should have?” then yes.
short or long-term relationships? ➔ long-term

TEN CHOICES

love or lust ➔ love.
lemonade or iced tea ➔ neither. strawberry lemonade, if anything.
cats or dogs ➔ dogs dogs dogs dogs
a few best friends or many regular friends ➔ a few best friends. the friends I have I consider the best, and I keep them very close to my heart. 
television or internet ➔ internet
pepsi or coke ➔ diet pepsi
wild night out or romantic night in ➔ depends on my mood
day or night ➔ night. but sometimes day. mostly night. but day too……both.
text or call ➔ text
make-up or au naturel? ➔ depends on how lazy I feel. but yes, I love makeup.

TEN HAVE YOU EVER

been caught sneaking out? ➔ nope. never snuck out.
fallen down/up the stairs? ➔ yes…I fall up the stairs more than I care to admit.
wanted something/someone so badly it hurt? ➔ yes, but I try not to.
prank called a store? ➔ no, I have a soul.
skipped school? ➔ in college.
wanted to disappear? ➔ yes
spent all your money? ➔ no, at least not recently/in my serious “adult” life.
met a celebrity? ➔ a couple, 
been really ill? ➔ depends on what type of illness we’re talking about
gotten high? ➔ yep

TEN PREFERENCES

smile or eyes ➔ eyes
light or dark hair ➔ on someone I’m attracted to, dark. on myself, light.
shorter or taller ➔ taller than me.
intelligence or attraction ➔ both…..
funny and poor or rich and serious ➔ …………
mac or pc? ➔ mac
chapstick or lipstick? ➔ both, depending on the day
city or country? ➔ the happy mix of both. where I’m close to stuff, but also close to nature 
driving or walking? ➔ walking

LASTS


last phone call? ➔ work.
last song you listened to? ➔ “Lose your Soul” by Dead Man’s Bones
last thing you ate? ➔ panda express
last thing you drank? ➔ water
last place you were? ➔ work
last kiss? ➔ yesterday
last picture taken? ➔ this morning
last outfit? ➔ maxi skirt, tank top, and crochet kimono thingy.
last purchase? ➔ lunch.




SERIOUS Headstand Progress!!!

I know it seems ridiculous, but in 5 days, this is how much progress I’ve made on my headstand. I’m still working on straightening, but going up feels weightless now. 

I’m SO happy right now, you don’t even understand. 

To all my fellow yoga lovers - it really is true; if you practice you can achieve almost anything. When I began yoga, I really didn’t think I’d ever be able to do any inversions, and here I am!

(Previous Headstand Progress post here: Headstand Progress 7/10/14)


Headstand progress!!!!!

This is rreeeeally useful, actually, seeing this in a video. My issue with inversions is that I never know when my legs are straight up. When *I* feel like they’re straight they’re usually not even close (as seen here), and when they GET close, I feel like I’m too far forward.

It’s learning and it’s a process and I’m proud of myself. Now to go practice some pincha!!!

(Sorry for the really loud Edward Sharpe and Magnetic Zeros, this song is part of my morning yoga playlist :P)

Oh yeah, that’s Milo walking behind me going “you are strange, temporary mama human”


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Ghost Girl. Poet. Artist. Capricorn-Aquarius cusp. Opal eyes. Starlight hair. Bunnies. Yogi. Tarot. Spiritual Gangster. Desert Dreams. Vata. Cosmic explorer. Astrology. Shiny Soul Sparkling. Starquake.


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